Writing from the stemistry lab
Mighty chondria
An episode in the life of a very special cell
by Barbara Gordon
You may wonder how I came by the name ‘Mighty Chondria’ – in fact I gave it to myself.
It all came about after a particularly difficult situation in 1687 that could have had life threatening consequences.
I’m part of an elite brigade of ‘dominant’ cells – with alpha male characteristics and exceptional qualities. Few are fortunate enough to enjoy the privileges we can bestow. We aren’t programmed to die, and can lie dormant for centuries, manifesting ourselves as we see fit. We can never be harvested and will never be cloned. However, to survive we must transfer from host to host and we do this by relying upon the forces of nature.
My problem was, so far as I know, unique – and to some extent I’ll admit it was my own fault. I was the power force of the dominant cell in Isaac Newton’s brain, and on reflection I think I overdid it a bit. All that thinking, experimentation and observation – I should have known better and arranged for some energy to be directed to other areas of his life – areas that would have given him a bit of balance – a bit of distraction.
By definition a dominant cell must have a powerful, dynamic personality – (this is why chaps like us become dominant in the first place – spotted at an early age by Mentor cells) and it’s this energy and drive that enables us to convert into another host. However, the transfer route is by ejaculation, and Isaac wasn’t keen on – how can I put this politely – physical contact. In fact he was terrified of women.
Time was running out – I was desperate. As you can imagine I began to panic and although I hate having to ask for favours, I knew my only hope was to enlist the help of the Testosterone Boys – to give him a bit of a surge (in actual fact he needed a pretty big surge – so I was told later). But joy at last! On a warm June day, in a quiet, secluded thicket at the edge of his garden, Isaac was tempted, by Rosie Percy, a village girl with a generous disposition, to perform the ultimate experiment. And in celebration of both my survival and Isaac’s deflowering – I felt I had every right to think of myself as ‘Mighty’ Chondria.