Right so that's it. Ok so I'm (NAME) and I'm from Newcastle University.

Hi (NAME).

(interruption) (laughter)

(interruption) (laughter)

Hi. So who are you two?

I'm (NAME). I'm from Northumbria University.

I'm (NAME). I'm a graduate from Sunderland University.

Ok so -- so where are you both from then? Originally?

Newcastle.

I'm from Walker in Newcastle.

Ah nice. Where you from -- Where do you live now? Same?

Er I live in Sunderland.

Same. (laughter)

Same, from where I lived.

(laughter)

You live in -- where you were born.

I live -- I still live in Newcastle. (laughter)

(laughter) Right -- right ok. So how do you actually know each other?

Erm work.

We work together, yeah.

Yeah.

Ah. How long have you worked there?

Erm si- well I've worked there since September two thousand and four.

Oh nice.

And

I've worked there since the end of July this year.

Ah. So erm do you like it? or? You know -- I know what

Yeah because (interruption) I

(interruption) I do.

Yeah I like it because I can negotiate my own hours, and plus, I've got all the bosses under my thumb.

Yeah. Proper in with them aren't you?

Because one of them's related to me.

Oh that

And then, I just like it.

(laughter)

Just for no reason?

No reason, just

I'm there.

What annoys you most about it?

He's there. I'm only joking.

(interruption) (laughter)

(interruption) (laughter)

I'm only joking. No, Marmite.

Yeah. Yeah erm, what (NAME)? Yeah.

No. (interruption) Marmite.

(interruption) No. Ok, Marmite. A guy called, Mar- she nicknamed him Marmite. Oh (NAME). Yeah. Crazy (NAME).

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

Yeah he's weird.

You know about him too? (laughter)

(laughter) I think I might do. (laughter)

Yeah. But no, (NAME) (NAME). She's annoying, but she's left now. God help (NAME)!

Still don't know who she is.

She's like, our bosses' bosses' boss.

(laughter) I never see her. (laughter)

Erm so, do you see people from work socially?

Er yeah.

Yeah.

All too often

(laughter)

in some cases.

No.

I'm not talking about you, (interruption) this time.

(interruption) That's a lie.

No. I see (NAME) quite a bit. (NAME) (NAME), I go out with in Sun- Sunderland and (NAME) comes over mine quite a bit, to play poker.

Ah.

He's the boss.

(interruption) (laughter)

(interruption) (laughter)

Ah. What's the best night you can remember being out with people from work? Like not even necessarily together.

Oh.

It can be.

Well before this one started then.

Ok sorry. No. Halloween.

(unclear)

Yeah, Halloween was quite fun.

Yeah.

Yeah because you know, she was a witch; I was Superman.

What has Superman got to do with Halloween though?

He doesn't!

(laughter) Yeah. That's what I thought. (laughter)

I don't care though. There was four of us out.

I know. But you were Superman, and then there were two Clark Kents, and I was like, but it

No, there was only one Clark Kent.

There was one, tha- that (interruption) was Marmite.

(interruption) That was Marmite who was dressed up as Clark Kent.

Oh ok.

Aw.

I must have just (interruption) thought there was more than one.

(interruption) And (NAME) was -- (NAME) was the Incredible Hulk.

Yeah, (NAME) tried -- tried to be the Hulk.

And he wouldn't even let you, I did this to him. And he went, 'don't touch.' And I was like, 'oh sorry.' (laughter) And I was like, 'it's green.'

(laughter)

So erm, when did you each of you last go on holiday?

Er

Wha- wha- what's a holiday? Like abroad or not?

Well it doesn't matter. Anytime you got away, (interruption) like.

(interruption) That was, erm September or something. Something like that.

Yeah? Where did you go?

I went to Scotland.

Ah. That's all right.

And I saw a goat on a podium.

(laughter) You what?

It's like, there was this -- it was like, this little stand thing and the goat was on top of it, and it was like it was on a podium.

(laughter) Why was it up there to start with? (laughter)

Because it was in like a little children's zoo bit.

Oh right. Well you didn't say that!

(laughter)

(laughter) To be fair, it could have been anywhere.

Aw. There was also a sheep. It jumped over the fence.

(laughter)

(laughter) It jumped over the fence when we were driving along the road, and it was just like

Sheep can't jump over fences.

It did!

Are you sure you weren't imagining it?

Well it -- it didn't exactly walk through the fence. It was like on this side. It was like, it's going to get run over, but didn't because we seen it again when we were coming back.

(laughter)

Anyways

Yeah. (laughter) Last -- I was going to say, howay. (laughter) Yeah. Er. (laughter) No. Last time I went away? Well it was -- well I went to Norway with college. Erm, and I went to Amsterdam with Uni. Because it was like an educational trip, erm to The Hague. This, erm, like European Court of Justice, which we never went to, because they forgot to book us in. So it was just like four days away partying.

Aw, that's top.

So do you speak any other languages?

Erm

(laughter)

(laughter)

erm

Which means?

I can speak a little bit German.

Speak a little bit of French.

Yeah I speak a little bit.

And I'm learning Japanese at the moment.

Oh?

Yeah.

Yeah I -- I'm only learning Japanese as well. I can't speak very much. (laughter)

Lies!

It's not lies.

Oh. Not in Japanese! But no, yeah.

Yeah.

Do you find people hard to understand when you go on holiday? Like because of the accents and stuff? Or?

No. You just talk louder and they understand you. It's like, 'Do you have th- (pause) They know exactly what you want.

(laughter)

(laughter)

Made that mistake once. He spoke perfect English. (laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter) (interruption) Aw.

(interruption) Aw no. Gutted.

No -- no never had that problem.

Oh. That's good.

N -Never been abroad.

Oh ok. Yeah, that's fair enough. Do you not find it hard to understand people just from other places in the country though? Like say Liverpool, or?

What'd you (interruption) say?

(interruption) No.

Like

(laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter) Yeah (interruption) I didn't get that at first. (laughter)

(interruption) No.

No. But (NAME) (NAME), erm apparently he speaks too -- too strong a Geordie accent, that erm what's her name? She's from Hull and (unclear)

Oh, (NAME)?

(NAME) yeah. She couldn't understand him and she was like, 'slow down, I can't understand what sh -- what you're saying.' And then he slowed down and she's like, 'yeah I still don't understand it.'

Well, (NAME) the guy who works in the stock-room, he has the strongest Glaswegian accent. But I can understand him, because my family's from Scotland.

Same here.

So it's easier.

Erm, yeah.

(laughter) What? No -- no but like yeah. I understand. And -- and (NAME) as well.

(NAME) (NAME)? I just ignore her.

Some- no sometimes I'm like, what did she say? And I'm like, I'll make it up in my head. (laughter) It's quite funny. (laughter) What?

Nothing.

(unclear)

A yellow book. The Con- The Conversation Piece Two. Have you got number one? No?

No. (laughter)

Don't shake your head. Say, 'no, (NAME).'

Speak into it.

Aw. Thank you. (laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter) Aw. I didn't do anything. (laughter)

Talk randomly.

No.

Yeah.

No. (laughter)

Ooo, the platypus. I -- yeah, I would study the platypus.

Why?

Why?

Because you'd take one look and go, what the hell is it? (laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter) Aw.

It -- it's like, it's not a duck. It's not a beaver, or a gopher. It's like, it's not an otter. It's like a mixture of all three. And you're like, was God high when he made that? (laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter) Aw.

He just like, had all spare parts left and chucked them into one.

But platypus is such a funny word isn't it? Platypus. You could have fun saying that word.

Well you just obviously have (unclear)

Yeah.

You have fun saying most words.

Yeah. Like badger.

Badger yeah, and smoob.

Smoob.

No idea wh-

What's that?

I have no idea.

I don't know. I made -- I made it up a while ago. Just to -- just because I did. And then we called my friend (NAME), (NAME) (NAME).

Oh

Ah.

Do you often make up your own words? (laughter)

(laughter) Yes. Like all of the time. What was the one I said before?

Re-

Wegnet.

Regnet, regent.

(interruption) It's raining.

(interruption) What's that mean?

Raining apparently. (interruption) It's raining.

(interruption) It's raining.

Yeah. She's not normal in the head.

No I'm not. You're less normal in the head.

Ah don't do that. What do you mean I'm less normal?

You're less normal!

Oh

(laughter) It's true. I'll tickle you. (laughter)

No, no. Don't tickle. No, no, no.

(laughter) I never said I wouldn't. I said I wouldn't do anything. But like, this is like, something.

What? Ah yeah. No, don't do that.

(laughter)

That sounds really bad. (laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter) I don't even know what's going on now.

I was just tickling his wrist. For the record, I was tickling his wrist. (laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter) Because she knows it gets on my nerves and makes me go

Ooo-ouch. You just like decided you'd dig your hand in the back of my neck?

Yeah. And we also need to go for food as well soon, like later on. Because (NAME)'s hungry because he forgot about breakfast this morning.

Never had time for breakfast.

(gasp)

I've got Terry's Chocolate Orange, in my bag. (laughter) Wow!

Yey.

You can't have any though.

Aw. Well why? I -- I didn't have anything to eat last night because I was busy playing on Resident Evil.

Which one?

Erm, number three.

I echoed.

Yeah. This -- I got stuck again. I got like attacked by the nemesis and I didn't know where to run. Then I ran down one street, he followed me, realised I'd turned around the corner, came back, r- ran after me. And I was like, 'oh I'm dead.'

Aw nemesis. The person -- the person who plays him in the film, he's on Ugly Betty.

I don't watch Ugly Betty, (interruption) so I don't know.

(interruption) I know.

Aw. I'm going to meet Er- that Eric, who's in Ugly Betty. Like he's not called Eric in it, that's his real name. Eric Mabius or something.

I don't know. Who does he play?

I don't know, I don't watch Ugly Betty. I've seen him in something else.

You watch The L Word!

Yeah.

The L Word.

Maybe Henry. Aw. Henry from accounting.

Henry from accounting?

Yeah that's -- yeah, it might be him.

Is that a character or something?

Yeah.

Oh.

It's Henry and he's in accounting. So it's Henry from accounting.

Oh. I was busy.

Aw. I want a milkshake.

Well go.

You want a milkshake?

Yeah I've just seen one.

Oh right. (laughter) I was going to -- to say. (laughter)

My hand's getting kind of cold. You hold it.

I'll hold -- I'll hold it. Yeah it is cold. Yeah that is quite cold.

(laughter) (unclear) (laughter)

Yeah she comes out with stuff like this all the time.

What? Just random stuff?

Yeah it's like, (interruption) she

(interruption) Yeah I do.

What was it you were saying about malaria being on a plate?

Yeah, salaria. You ever heard of it?

No.

Ah.

It's like, it's a vegetable and

Apparently.

It sounds like malaria, so I decided that when my brother asked what it was, I'd call it malaria.

(laughter) Oh.

And my little brother was like, 'isn't that a disease? I'm not eating it. I'll get a disease.'

Aw. How old is he?

Fifteen.

Ah. Do you have any other brothers or sisters?

Yeah. I have an older brother.

Ah. Or you?

(NAME)

(NAME)

Whereas I am the big boy in my house. Well it's not my house, it's my mam's house. (laughter)

Yeah?

I'm not even the oldest in my house. That's depressing.

Aw.

But no. Yeah I'm the oldest of three and I hate them all.

(laughter) Why?

Because they annoy me.

You don't hate them though.

Did you al- did you never get on with them? Or?

Well not when I lived with them, but now I don't live with them I get on ok with them.

Tha- that's what -- that's what like everyone says.

Yeah

Like, my mam goes, 'aw you don't get on with them now, but when you -- yous like move out and stuff, yous'll get on, because you wont see each other as much.'

Hmmm

Yeah.

And I was like, 'no. (NAME) will still annoy me.'

No, I find myself paying for stuff (unclear)

He shoved his foot in my face yesterday.

What?

Like no, because I was -- I was lying on the settee right, and he came in an- and totally invaded my space.

Toby? Who's Toby?

Totally!

Oh. (laughter)

Lying -- I was lying on the settee and he came in and sat down and I was like right, shift my feet up, and he put his feet straight across and then shoved his foot in my face. And I'm like, 'get off my feet.' And then, like a couple of minutes later, I was like 'you know what? I'm right on the very edge of the settee; you've totally invaded my space.' And then he complained.

(unclear)

But yeah.

(laughter)

And then I told him to get up and come the other side, and he was like 'no, no.' So, I had to like drag my feet around, and he was like, 'stop moving.' And I was like, 'you sat on my feet.'

Yeah.

How dare he!

And then my mam got a packet of crisps, and then she was eating them while I was trying to watch television. So I was like, 'shhhh.'

(laughter) You couldn't just turn the TV up? (laughter)

(interruption) No.

(interruption) No. I didn't have the remote. She had it.

(interruption) Because she's awkward like that.

It's gone quiet now because I'm not talking. I'm going to not speak.

No. (laughter)

No you can't not speak when you've been asked to speak.

(laughter)

Yeah. That's kind of against the idea.

Yeah it is. Aw. But that goose story was quite funny.

What goose?

The goose; the itchy goose.

Aw yeah.

(laughter)

I don't think we were listening.

I was. I was like, and there's an itchy goose. I did -- didn't get it. It reminded me of the advert actually.

The what? (unclear)

You know the one where the animals are running round the office? You've got like an emu or something.

Erm

And then

No. The only thing that reminds me of, is that advert that keeps popping up everywhere. 'Come to Tuptup Palace. And like, on the back, it's like, all the hybrids are happy now; they have somewhere to go.' It's like, what?

What? What advert's this?

Oh it's for Tuptup.

Tuptup.

For Tuptup Palace. It's like some new place. It's like a resto bar. It's like a restaurant, slash bar.

I've never seen the advert.

It's a monotel. It's like a -- a one room, five star hotel. But it- it's like not a hotel, because it's only got one room.

(laughter)

(laughter) Which is probably where the mono comes from, but

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mono room.

But no, it's like yeah. You can dance your socks off until dawn or something, (interruption) and then if you get tired, rest in the one room.

(interruption) Or keep your socks on?

Yeah you can keep your socks on because you've got smelly feet.

I don't! I do not have smelly feet.

(laughter) Yeah right. (laughter)

It's the truth. I don't have smelly feet. (NAME) does.

Last week when we went ice-skating, it reeked when she took her skates off.

That's a lie. (cough)

Don't choke. (laughter)

It's a lie.

Ah.

Aw.

But, she fell over though, on the ice.

Aw thanks (interruption) for getting it on tape.

(interruption) Yeah she did.

Yeah.

It was his fault though.

First time she's ever fell over.

It wasn't my fault. She was like, aw look, look, look. See what I can do.

That's a lie.

And then she slipped.

That's a lie. No, I was speaking to you, then you said something. And then I fell over. And then it was upsetting because you said that you wouldn't let us fall over, but you did.

I -- I didn't let her, it was just out of my control. I wasn't right next to you at the time.

You were! I was holding your hand at the time.

(laughter)

No. Were you?

And then I just spinned round and fell.

Yeah because you were like

Well that's what you get for trying to push me.

I didn't push you.

Tried, and failed miserably.

No, you pushed me, you pushed me.

Yeah.

A lot.

Uh-huh, because it was fun.

It was scary.

You were like, 'aw no I don't know where I'm going.'

I know. No I didn't. I knew where I was going obviously, but I didn't know where you were. I knew you were behind us, but I didn't know.

I was behind you pushing. (laughter)

But I didn't know. But I could see you and it was just freaky. It's like, someone's pushing me and I don't like it and I know it's you, but still.

Yeah and then I decided to spin her round the corner, really fling her round the corner. (laughter)

Like really fast.

Aw.

And I kind of just went 'ooooo.' (laughter) My leg just went. Did that.

Yeah, and then I nearly got told off for helping some little kid who fell over. I tried to pick him up and they were like, 'no. Leave him on the floor.'

(laughter)

It's like, 'well no, I'm clearly going to -- to help the kid up.' And she was like, 'no because he might have a broken back.' I was like, 'ok he's clearly moving, saying it's his arm that hurts and that's not a broken back.' And then she came over and apologised. She was like, 'yeah sorry, I just, you know. We didn't mean to tell you off. It was just, you know. You've got to understand, in case he had a broken spine.' Right! (laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter) Would he not have been paralysed?

The amount of times he fell over though.

Really? How -- how little was he?

Like Primary School little.

Aw.

Like really little.

Aw. I love little kids.

It was scary.

Why was he scary?

No. It was -- it was scary; with children on the ice.

Yeah. They were only there for like twenty minutes though, if that.

But it was still scary for twenty minutes.

Why? Do you not like kids or something, on the ice?

No. Just because, when they were falling over, and like, you're skating around. It's as if you're going to like slice their fingers off.

Yeah.

Which I nearly tried.

On purpose?

You nearly tried?

Yeah. I was like, kid on the floor skate. No, I'll get told off. (laughter)

Yeah. Maybe just a little bit.

Yeah. (sigh) I want to play ice hockey again. I miss it

Aw.

Who did you play for? Just

Well I didn't play ice hockey for a team. I just used to play.

On your own?

Well no, not on my own. No, I didn't just go there and go, dig once, twice, yeah triple dig, into an open goal. How depressing.

(laughter)

No! I used to play hockey for like a -- a street hockey team, like on inline skates. For the local rh- like team at The Lycra Stadium in Walker. The team was called The Rhinos. Like me and my brother played for that team. He was in goal and I was forward. But then, like I dislocated my knee so. Well not dislocated, but it like, kind of went round the other side and yeah. You tired?

(laughter) No. (laughter)

Yeah, it kind of went round the other side. I'm boring you. I don't care

(laughter) No. It's just that I'm hungry.

So then like it hurt, so I had to stop playing and then my GCSEs stopped me playing, and then I was like,

Can't play?

Yeah. Can't play. So I just kept the skates, kept the stick, kept the puck. I didn't return the gloves, so yeah. I've still got those gloves as well. Erm and yeah, and then I tried playing ice hockey for a bit. No, well on my own and a bit. It was like, me and my brother.

Yeah.

But yeah. What you looking through? The book?

I'm looking through this.

The big yellow book. Thought that'd keep you entertained.

No.

What?

Aw wow! This one.

If you'd been a youth growing up in the eighteen hundreds, what -- who do you think your hero would have been?

Yeah.

The eighteen hundreds? Erm, depends on when in the eighteen hundreds, because if Mary Shelley had written Frankenstein by that time, him.

(laughter) Frankenstein?

Well no. Frankenstein's monster to be precise, because he's cool.

(laughter)

Don't laugh.

What wild animal do you think makes the most interesting sound?

Oh oo, dying giraffe. It's like

(laughter)

(laughter) Dying giraffe?

You don't have to do the sound effect.

I had to. You -- You said, what makes the most interesting noise? So

When have -- when have you heard a dying giraffe?

South Park! That's the noise they make in South Park the Movie.

(laughter)

(laughter)

It's true.

Hmmm.

Or when my goldfish died. It went (pause) Huh? What? Or I imagine that's the noise it'd have made anyway.

(interruption) Aw

(interruption) (laughter)

What's the quaintest small town you've ever had the pleasure of visiting?

There was a place called       . It's not quaint, but more weird name.

(laughter)

Aw.

What is your all time favourite theme song from a TV show?

Aw, oooo, so many. I don't know. I would say, ah ooo ooo, that's hard because there's like, The Munsters, which is cool, but then there's like, The A-Team. It's like, you know 'the A-Team is a crack squad of commandos', you know 'if you need help, just call The A-Team.' Yeah, probably The A-Team.

It said, it actually said before that question that you'd -- it'd probably make you want to sing it. (laughter)

Yeah, The A-Team.

What's yours?

Don't say Pokemon.

My one?

(laughter) Yeah. Pokemon?

Pokemon.

No. I -- I prefer the advance battle theme to that. But anyways.

Erm. Oh -- oh I don't know. Ooo probably a Bleach tune, but that's not like TV.

Aw, Knightrider as well. I know I didn't have to do the keyboard motions

(laughter)

that go with that. But it helps us remember the tune.

Can you actually play that on the keyboard?

I'm going to say no.

He can.

But nod (interruption) my head at the same time and lie. I didn't waste my time.

(interruption) (laughter) That's quite funny actually.

If you had to be of a different ethnic origin than you actually are, to which heritage would you most like t- to belong?

I'm going to try to be as politically correct as I can here.

(laughter)

I would probably have to say Indian because they have the best accent. (laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter) Aw I -- I'd

Or not to be racist, but the African people who go when they speak, because that's cool. Because I had a girl at college who could do that. She was like and that was like, something from where she was from, and it was like, wow! you're cool. I think she was called (NAME). Yeah she was, (NAME).

That's a quite English name.

Yeah. But (laughter) -- but yeah, she was from over there and used to speak like that. And it's -- you could just listen to them and it'd be like, not so much funny, but it -- it well it was a little bit, but I cant say that because it's racist. But it wasn't funny. I've just said it. (laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter)

But it was more like, you know, it'd keep you listening because it's like, different to just listening to somebody talk like we are, and just you know, the same monotonous drone. And, say something here.

(laughter)

(laughter) I'll ask this one because I like this one. In your opinion, what is the most adorable looking baby animal?

Ooo a -- a baby hedgehog because they look like, I don't know. They're all shaved and they've got squashed up faces and they're like

(laughter) I like that impression.

Yeah. I- It's really bad you can't see it. Imagine biting a lemon, that's the face I'm pulling.

(laughter)

(laughter)

Whilst trying to stack the shelves in a shopping market.

(laughter)

And that's what a baby hedgehog looks like.

If people could truly read you mind, what would they discover you think about most of them?

No comment!

(laughter) Harsh.

What do you mean, harsh?

What would you think about most then, if people could read your mind?

(laughter) I don't think they'd be able to read my mind. It'd just be like

They'd get confused. (laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter) It'd just go off into it's own little world. You know like on The Simpsons, when it's like, in Homer's mind it's just monkeys dancing round a tree. Something like that.

See, now that's in my head. I picture monkeys dancing around a tree.

(laughter)

(laughter)

Damn.

Aw I'm sorry.

I don't like The Simpsons. Well I do. It's all right but Family Guy's better.

I've -- I've seen a bit of it, not a lot though.

Wh- What? You've only seen a bit of Family Guy?

Yeah. Like, I've seen some bits off the internet, like the Quagmire thing.

What do you mean the Quagmire, thing? I have Quagmire in my pocket. Well he's not in my pocket.

(laughter)

(laughter)

That didn't -- you know what I mean. No. Quagmire, Quagmire, where is he? I'll find him.

Oh.

Legend.

(laughter)

My -- my housemate watches it and he keeps saying giggity all the time.

Giggity giggity.

Just in random things.

Yeah, well so does Quagmire. Like, (laughter) this -- this one scene where they're doing, er, P TV, which is like Peter Griffin's own TV show. Quagmire's sitting there naked, like this, in a chair. And he goes, 'and after the break we have a girl hide a banana, find out where, after the break. Giggity giggity, giggity goo.' He -- He comes out with stuff like that randomly.

(laughter)

(laughter)

An it's

It's weird.

It's cool.

Does he not do the head thing as well?

Yeah. He, like -- like a pigeon-walker.

(laughter)

With the head. It's like, giggity giggity, giggity. He's got like the hugest chin as well.

(laughter) (sigh)

When -- when I -- when like, I can hoola-hoop thingy, I can hoola, and like, I can walk right through, but my head kind of does this. So it reminds me of Jar Jar Binks or something

Don't say that name.

Why?

I do not like him.

Why?

I can't believe George Lucas got sued because like, black people thought that Jar Jar Binks was being racist towards black people.

Why?

They thought that George Lucas was being racist with Ja- using Jar Jar Binks. It's like, ah Jar Jar Binks, he's like anti black. Well he's not anti black, he's like, George Lucas was trying to make a black man. So yeah he got sued.

No way.

Jar Jar Binks

Bloody hell.

But he wasn't.

I know he wasn't black. He's clearly orange. (laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter) That's what I was thinking.

(unclear)

(unclear) He really really is. Why we talking about bunions?

You're the one who said the actual name of them. I just -- just said Jar Jar Binks.

Random fact. I've got the book of useless knowledge at home. Peanuts are used in the making of dynamite.

For what?

Peanuts are used in the making of dynamite.

Why?

Useless fact.

Ok. (laughter)

(laughter) I take it you don't actually know why?

No. It didn't tell you.

Oh. That's a shame.

Aw, you should have researched it. Google.

No. I'll just Wiki it.

No.

Yeah. What? Doing the head motion too? Google.

(laughter)

(laughter) Yeah.

Did you even realise you were doing it?

Yeah. I was like

Yeah she did.

I was like, yeah. I realised it, then I just decided to carry on.

(laughter)

Don't know what -- what was another one that I read. Yeah, randomly. Like crazy laws. We learnt these while I was at Uni, doing law.

Hmmm

Crazy laws. Like, if a Scotsman        on a Sunday, you can shoot him with a crossbow.

Is that actually true?

Yes. It's still a real law.

Really?

Yeah, and they haven't bothered getting rid of it because it's that archaic. And like, if a Scotsman walks down the streets of York after sunset, you can shoot him with a crossbow as well.

(laughter)

Yeah.

(laughter) No. I'm just laughing at your hand, because you're kind of doing. (laughter)

What? Just

You're moving my hand with yours.

Well I cant help it if I've got hold of your hand and

No. It just looks funny, especially when you were doing that. (laughter)

Yeah. Also, you're not allowed to be drunk and in possession of a cow. (laughter)

(laughter)

Don't ask me why they came up with that one, but yeah.

It's really strange.

Yeah and you've got to have like, a black cab has to have two bails of hay in the boot. And a gorilla is not allowed to ride in the front passenger seat.

(laughter) Yeah. I wouldn't think it would. Aw. (laughter)

It's still raining.

I know. (unclear)

(sigh) To trail all the way back to Sunderland in the rain.

Aw.

You don't have to straight away.

Well yeah I know. But you know, I've got to be there for 6pm.

For what?

For what? Well because I haven't seen (NAME), like my best mate from Uni, for like three weeks. Erm, we're going to go to, I can't remember what the name of the place is called now. Wetherspoons. Yeah. The Lambton Worm. Yeah.

Why -- why does Wetherspoons have loads and loads of different names?

Because it's -- it's like, they're the names of the bars and Wetherspoons have bought them out to make the chain, so they've just kept the name of the pubs. So like the one in Sunderland's called The Lambton Worm, there's another one just like fifteen minutes walk from that which is just called JD Wetherspoons and there's one, the one down Central Station that's The Union Rooms, but it's JD Wetherspoons.

Oh I didn't know that.

Did you not? What? That The Union Rooms was owned by JD?

No I didn't.

Yeah. That's why when you go upstairs, they've got Wetherspoons menus in the food bit.

Oh. I've never noticed that.

Ah right, yeah.

I don't go in there often.

Do you not? You should, it's nice.

I want one of them suits.

What? One of them -- one of these body decorator suits?

Yeah.

You'd have to get a really small one though. I have one actually.

Why? (laughter)

(laughter) Oh yeah. (laughter) Because like, when like I still lived at home. My God, that was over three years ago I moved away from home.

Aw. Are you nostalgic?

Nostalgic?

Is that the right word?

No.

It'd be cool if it was.

Homesick is the word.

That's the word. (laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter)

Aw.

Where do you get these from?

I don't know.

But yeah. No, like, my mam was like, 'aw can you help me like paint the shed?' I was like, 'yeah but I'm wearing good clothes.' And she was like, 'aw here, I've got you this from (NAME).' My uncle (NAME) works down the shipyard, like he's like one of the supervisors or something down there.

Yeah.

Was like yeah. It's a one piece, oompa-loompa costume.

(laughter)

For use of a better word. So you know the scene in Willie Wonka, the original one, not the Johnny Depp; I haven't seen that.

I -- I've seen it but it's not as good as the original one.

Ok well the Gene Wilder version. Is it Gene Wilder or Gene Hackman?

Yeah.

Yeah, Gene Wilder. Sorry. I was imagining Gene Hackman doing that. No, it's the Gene Wilder version, where they go in the room where they get turned into loads of little bits and they've got to wear all the white suits and the oompa-loompas are like, doing their dance and song. In the white suits.

Oh the one with, er the TV?

With mike-TV!

Right.

Where he gets blown into a million pieces and then rejiggered back with

(laughter) And like doing this.

And rejiggered back, and then erm yeah, and it's like one of them suits. And I wore that with er a like, it's not so much like a re- breather, but like a Metal Gear Solid, psycho-mantis type mask, to stop the paint from getting into my mouth.

Aw.

So yeah. I looked like an oompa-loompa, psycho-mantis for the afternoon.

Maybe I should have had one of them when I painted my room.

That's what you should have came as for Halloween, an oompa-loompa, psycho-mantis.

I don't think so.

No you'd just confuse people. They'd be like, 'ah there's anthrax in the building.'

(laughter)

No, but like me and (NAME) one time, we just started going off into oompa-loompa, songs. But like, we both knew exactly what we were going to say, at the same time. So like, we were saying the words in exact synchronisation without practising it or anything. It was kind of freaky and like, everyone was just sat looking at wa, like yeah.

That's weird. I've just remembered, there was giant, was it squirrels or chickens that was in it?

Squirrels

It's squirrels in the book, and in the new one. But it was chickens. Goose.

Yeah it was geese because they laid the giant golden eggs. Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't remember that.

You can't remember Verucca Salt falling down, for the sake of a chocolate golden egg?

Saying that she wants the whole world and everything?

Yeah.

No. I haven't seen the old one for ages.

I want the world. That one.

Yeah. You were going to sing the song weren't you? (unclear)

Augustus Gloop. He was the best character in the thing. What better way to die, than -- than drowning in a, well no -- no, I'm frightened of drowning, ok.

He didn't die. He didn't die though.

No he didn't even die did he? Oh dear God, I'm not normal. (laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter) No he didn't die. (unclear)

What better way to -- to vanish from a story, yeah that's right, I'm using you as a prop. What better way to vanish from a story, than like, drowning in a river of chocolate and getting stuck in a tube?

Would you really want to be stuck in a tube though and then get blasted out?

Yeah.

By pressure.

Hmmm. Would you prefer that or drowning?

I'm frightened of drowning, that's why I don't swim.

Why?

Why are you frightened of drowning?

Like I mean especially.

It's just the thought of like, being helpless under water, not being able to breathe and knowing that you are going to die.

Yeah. So would you rather drown or be burnt to death?

Because you would know you were dying if you were burning.

Yeah.

You could do the stop drop and roll thing, but

(laughter)

I don't -- I don't think that'd really work to be honest with you.

No.

Because you'd still be on fire and you'd just be like, rolling round on fire.

(laughter)

Would I rather drown or be burned alive? Can I not choose option three? Quietly in my sleep as an old man.

(laughter)

(laughter)

Because you know, ideally.

Preferably yeah.

Yeah.

I'd rather be burnt because that'd be cool. It'd be like, 'wow! I'm on fire. But I'm like dying, but I'm still, I'm on fire.'

Or I'd go like JFK, because like, he didn't know about it. He didn't hear anything.

Why -- why?

But his head ended up on the dashboard. Sorry, I'm really morbid. (laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter)

I'm not this morbid usually. I watch too much horror, and Hostel.

Aw I've seen Hostel.

That makes me squinch -- squinch, that's not a real word. What's the real word? Squinch, it's like cringing and screeching. Well not screeching because I can't screech.

Yeah.

Cringe.

Have you seen it?

I've only seen the first one. I haven't seen the second one.

I haven't seen the second one either.

But I laughed all the way through the first one.

Just where it gets,

Apart from the        man.

The one where he goes,

Yeah. Like that. It was just like, you don't do that to men.

For references, he placed hand on a guy's lap. Creeped the guy out.

Yeah. He was just like, put his hand on his -- his leg and goes like, what's you nature? And it's just like

(unclear) fingers because he feels people get out of touch with nature.

I -- I -- I

And then he dies in the toilet at the end.

Have you seen Saw?

Yeah. I've only seen the first one though.

I've seen one and two.

What do you think's the worst bit?

The worst bit from the few I've seen?

Like yeah.

The puppet.

No.

Have you noticed? You know in that picture.

Which picture?

On -- on (NAME)' MySpace

Yeah?

The picture of like, me and you.

Which one? The one from?

On Halloween.

Yes.

In the background, is that puppet.

The bar people -- the bar people in Mood were dressed up, as the puppet from Saw.

And it's in the background of the picture. It's just like this -- it's like

That's scary.

That's the freakiest thing in the world.

Aw, that is scary actually.

Yeah.

No, the worst apart from that? I don't know. Er probably Saw Two. Where -- where the guy -- it's like the key to get out, or a serum because they're all poisoned or something.

Yeah.

One of the serums is inside a furnace and the only way to get it, is to go inside the furnace. But as soon as he goes inside, it shuts on him and he's only got a certain amount of time to get it to the people. But he gets burnt alive while he's giving it to somebody.

Yeah.

And it's like, dude I couldn't do that. No. I -- I would hate that.

Yeah. I don't like the bit where they jum- have to jump into the needles. That just freaks me out, don't like it.

Aw yeah. But it's -- it's the heroin addict who does it, isn't it?

Yeah.

She jumps into the needles.

Well she gets thrown in.

Yeah but you know. Yeah because one of the guys, I cannae remember. I haven't seen it in a long time.

Yeah that really big one. That -- she does get thrown in by someone.

Have you seen Thirty Days of Night yet?

No. Is it good?

Need to see that.

Oh. Actually I think might have seen it.

Yeah?

Josh Hartnett

It's the guy from Pearl Harbour.

I watch a lot of films. I'm not very good on celebrities. (interruption) Is it the one -- Is it the one with the really, like, the vampires?

(interruption) Neither am I.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I have seen it.

And the screeching.

Yeah, I just don't like the noise.

Yeah (NAME) (NAME) got lots of frights as well.

I didn't get lots of frights. You did!

Yeah, but it means (interruption) that it not scary. It's just means it, you jump.

(interruption) (NAME)'s a big girl.

No, no. But like he -- he didn't like it. He says -- he says that it's all just screeching and then I says, 'did you get a fright when the girl jumped out the door?' and he goes 'yeah,' and says, 'did you not even like the man in his big truck,' and he was like, 'yeah that was the best bit ever.'

Ah yeah. One of the big guys, I can't remember what he called himself, but he like, he blew himself up.

Bow.

What?

Was it not Bow?

Bow yeah. Bow, something like that. But yeah, he was like you know, 'brrr I'll be good, it's my turn.'

Aw.

And then he charged with his, like, well his like sled thing, down the street. Oh yeah, and he had this huge chainsaw on the top which he just used to cut through things. It was great. It was like, brrr and then, er

(laughter) And then decided he'd jump ahead.

Yeah, jump out. Yeah, light a load of dynamite, but it didn't work so he sh- shoot, did he shoot a box? No?

No, no. He didn't have any bullets left, so he lit the dynamite.

Yeah that's it.

But then he survived, and then he had to get killed.

Yeah he got eaten.

(unclear)

That was the bit where I actually, for the first time ever, shouted, 'No,' at the screen. (interruption) (laughter)

(interruption) (laughter)

(interruption) (laughter) Yeah. She did shout, 'No.'

(laughter) Did everybody look at you?

No, he kind of just went, as if to say like, shut up. (laughter)

Well she was drawing unnecessary attention.

No. I was just like, 'NO.' And he just kind of like, grabbed us and I was like, yeah. I was shouting at a screen.

So what's your favourite film? Like, ever.

Golden Child.

(sigh)

What's that?

It's one of Eddie Murphy's movies, and it is just one of the most funniest things in the world. I tried -- I tried, like when (NAME) came round to mine and we were going to watch it, as it was being put on and as it was put in, I burst out laughing and I couldn't stop laughing for the whole start of it.

My favourite movie? Ah God, there's a list. I don't know if it's like Star Wars Episode Five: Empire Strikes Back.

Oh. I've never seen Star Wars, any of them.

Blasphemer. Go out and watch it now.

Really?

I haven't seen Grease.

Well erm, you don't need to see Grease, trust me.

(laughter)

Grease Two is a waste of time as well.

Yeah.

Why I -- that's why I hate my sister; she made me watch Grease Two.

Was it on Grease Two, when er, it had that girl, and she was blonde, and she like danced out of the house?

Something like that.

And she was doing this. (laughter) I was like (laughter)

Jazz-hands.

And she's got (laughter) (unclear) (laughter)

Oh and then there's like -- there's like, Return of the King. Oh that movie.

That's The Mummy one? Oh no.

The Mummy? No. The army of the dead. Ghosts, spirits, not mummies.

Oh ok.

Erm and then there's, The Godfather One and Two. You don't need to see Three, it's pointless but it finishes off the story. Anyway, but no, yeah erm, Godfather One, because it's got Marlon Brando, and yeah. I feel sorry for him when Sonny dies. Because he's like, you can tell he's gutted, but he can't cry in front of his -- like, his adopted son, Tom Hagan. But then like, he goes to the undertaker who he did a favour for, because the undertaker, you've seen it Godfather haven't you?

No.

The undertaker's, at the very start. Like the undertaker's daughter, gets like beaten up and stuff for not sleeping with two guys when they got her drunk. And you know she maintained her honour.

Yeah.

As he says, er, 'but she'll never be beautiful again. I want you, to you know, I need justice for my daughter.' Then he asks Don Corleone to like kill two guys. He's like, 'no, because you've never came to me as a friend before, you've never asked me for anything, you don't even come over for a coffee or anything, why should I do this?' And he's like, 'well I'm sorry and then you know, he gets down on his knee and kisses his hand and says Godfather.' So he's like, 'ok I'll do it. But I'm not going to kill them because that's not justice, your daughter's still alive.' But like, he doesn't say exactly what he'll do, but if you play the computer game, you go over and you beat the        out of them and bury them alive.

(laughter)

(laughter)

But, well you don't bury them alive, but you push them into an open grave, put the spade down and knock them out and they pee themselves and never go near the girl again, and then, but yeah, back to the movie. Like erm, later on, when like the Corleone son Santino dies, he goes to the undertaker. He's like you know, he phones him, he's like 'you -- you know, I asked you, I did this for you, I asked you that one day I may ask a favour of you but that day may never come. That day is now.' And then he wants him to

Ooo I remember that line.

Yeah and he says to him -- he says you know, I want you to do everything in your power to -- to make my son like you know. And he pulls away the thing, because like Santino got shot by like four to twelve tommy guns at once, and then the guy, aw he's already dead, he's full of holes, he walks over and goes, brrr and riddles him full of holes again and then kicks his face. So you know, it's bad enough that he's dead and then he gets kicked in the face. But yeah, and then because Don Corleone doesn't want him looking like that for when his mother sees him.

Hmmm.

It's like, man I could not do that. I would have to get somebody else to take him there, but yeah. Yeah, Godfather One.

(laughter)

(laughter)

I love that film.

(laughter) Got the whole story of it. (laughter)

Well that's because I watched it two days ago.

Yeah.

And I watched Godfather Two last night. Godfather Three's for later on today.

(unclear) is on tonight on channel four.

Is that when she's on? Aw, well Godfather Three's tomorrow. (unclear) is for tonight.

What's that?

Aw it's the blind samurai, he's cool. He's not really blind though, that's the whole twist of the film.

Thanks

Sorry, I just ruined it.

That's -- that's like the whole twist of the film in House of the Flying Daggers. She isn't really blind, but I thought that was so cool. And I don't know how -- how -- how does she stay up in the tree? No bamboo.

Yeah, like they do in Crouching Tiger.

Just like with her legs and I was like

It's typical Chinese marshal arts though. Like the big anti-grab like

But Zee Zang's -- Zee Zang's amazing

Zang Zee.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I like -- I like to say Zee Zang because it's just like funnier.

It's the opposite way round, that's the way they put it, but it's actually Zang Zee.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, she's gorgeous. That's why I like Zang Zee.

Aw I think she's cool. She's like, dancer, singer, marshal artist, actress. Yeah.

Yeah, Zaloowichi. He's like, this -- this like samurai, who's like really old, well not really old, he's got grey hair old.

Mmm

mind you, my flatmate's getting grey hair and he's only twenty-two. That's his dad's fault. But yeah, he's got, like he walks around with like this walking stick, and like erm, it's got a sword inside of it. He's like an excellent swordsman. Then there's this one scene

(unclear) (gasp) -- It's on bleach, you haven't seen it?

No I haven't. Well sort of.

Yeah. Yeah he's a shop owner and he's amazing. He has a walking stick and it (unclear) anyway (unclear) finish your sentence.

It's very patronising that is.

I didn't do anything.

No, no, no. You patted the side of my face.

I didn't, that was your hand.

(laughter)

You've got a hold of my hand.

Yeah. Maybe I patted your face with your hand. I don't know.

No. Shhh I'm trying to tell a story. Yeah, that's probably an impression of gaga. Erm, put your fingers over her nose and she'll stop breathing.

No.

Erm yeah, and then like the scene. Zaloowichi, he's like, 'yeah, you meet some crazy cross-dressers as well.' It's like they're brother and sister but the only way they can escape, because they're both like so well known or sought after or something. So the guy has to dress up as a girl and they're both geishas. And then the guy plays the guitar and just as they're about to sleep with people they -- they kill them.

Unlucky.

Because they've got like daggers hidden inside the guitar.

God.

And it's -- it's really cool. And erm, yeah. Don't do that.

I didn't intend to do it.

You didn't, no.

No. I really didn't.

Erm but yeah, and then what weirds us out, well the whole film is really cool and like serious. And you know you learn about Zaloowichi and his honour and he's going round.

Hmm

He's amazing at playing like, gambling games, like the -- the dice game.

Oh yeah?

Because -- because he's blind and his other senses are so attuned, he knows if he rolls the dice a certain way, what number it'll land on, so he bets like all of his money on getting like a certain number. At the end, the whole film's weird because it goes into a whole musical number, where the whole village comes out and does a song and dance together. And like

Really?

Yeah.

Is it like a dream?

No. It -- it, the whole song, the whole town comes out and does a whole song and dance routine at the end of the movie and you're like, what the hell just happened? This whole time it's been like this really serious story.

Yeah.

And then it's a musical at the end.

And then it's like a musical and it's like, you know, like.

(laughter)

(laughter)

Ah it was funny because, went to see it with like, (NAME) and (NAME), who like, I went to college with, and then (NAME), who was (NAME)'s girlfriend at the time. She's like a cokehead lesbian now.

Ok

No offence.

(laughter)

Fine. (laughter)

I know you're not a cokehead, but you know.

But yeah. Like, nobody speaks to her anymore. And then like yeah, (NAME) was like, 'aw she's all right.' We were like, 'dude it's a he.' Was like 'no it's not, it's a she. Look she's wearing a dress. She's a geisha, only girls are geishas.' Then later on, like when it came out it was a he, we never let him forget that.

Aw.

(laughter) Aw. I've -- I've done stuff like that before though like. (laughter)

What? mistaken a she for a he?

Yeah?

It's not hard some people you see round today though.

If you don't stop, it can be really freaky. It's like, I don't know whether that person's a man or a woman.

Pete Burns, perfect example.

Yeah?

Is it a he? Is it a she? Or an it?

(laughter)

Go for option three, it

Ah. No, like, there was this person on my bus one time, and me and my mam were sitting and were like, 'it is a man isn't it? it is a man isn't it? and were like I don't know. And then were like, no it's a woman.' And going, 'it's a man,' at the same time. It got confusing.

What confused me on the bus, is how some woman could let herself get that round.

(laughter)

(laughter)

I'm sorry but you know.

(laughter)

(laughter)

You know how you got -- I'm sorry I'm not being fattest (pause) because clearly she was fattest. Erm.

(laughter)

(laughter)

Yeah. You liked that one didn't you!

Yeah, I liked it.

Thank you Jimmy Carr. But no, like yeah, like you know how you get, you sit on the bus and there's enough room for two people?

Yeah.

Well she took up the two people. And extra.

One with what? Yeah. One seat with each        cheek or something?

Yeah. There was like, well no. Not just with one bum cheek. But there was like, she took up the whole cheek and then fell over the edge of it. She like, rolled over it. But then, when she got up to roll off the bus. Er sorry, sorry. (laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter) I can't believe that.

When she got up, I did not mean to say when she rolled off the bus. oh God, just bury me now and never let me back out.

Yeah, you just tried to bury your head in my hair.

Man. When she got up to get off the bus, she walked, but there was, you know like how fat wobbles? There was this extra bit at the back that just moved up the back. That was like, where did that come from? Why is that?

(laughter)

And it's like, it -- it scars you for life. Oh but then my sister put this gross photo up on Facebook the other day which, oh God no.

Of what?

You know Mr Muscle? How he loves the jobs you hate?

(laughter) Yeah? (laughter)

Aw nice.

      , and the code across the top says, Mr Muscle loves the jobs you hate, but he actually genuinely looks like he's loving it.

Eww.

Because he's pulling the grimace. He's like (pause) but yeah.

(laughter) He did the grimace. (laughter)

It just reminds me of, erm, you know -- you know when we were at the bus stop and that woman got off the bus? (gasp)

The one where everything moved.

Which woman? The, can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Woman?

The one where everything moved.

Oh yes. Yeah, she was eww.

It was like -- it was like, her leg started here and the rest of it was just all moving.

Ooo-ouch, cank- er, cankle. That is just the worst thing ever.

I know. It's like torture.

Cankle. It's like where the calf fat meets the ankle, it's cankle.

You never seen it before?

No, don't think so.

No?

(interruption) It's like a

(interruption) It's like a

leg going straight down.

It's like a roll and it's like, you know the heel on your shoe?

Yeah.

It like folds over the edge of the heel on your shoe and it's like disgusting.

Eww that is gross.

I still see that woman on the bus, you know, the woman I was telling you about? With the belt.

Which belt?

The belt and the flasher.

Ah yeah. Ah, the woman who lifted her shirt up.

Yeah.

Some woman did that on the Metro the other day. She was really large again. I don't know why it's always large people who do this.

She was like in betweeny large, but still, I don't want to see.

Oh no. She was just blatantly round. Anyway, but like I -- I felt a little bit sorry for her, but then I didn't in a way because it's her own fault. She had like scars all the way down from where she'd self-harmed all across her forearms, like on the top.

Yeah.

But then her son did the grossest thing ever. Lifted up her shirt and buried his head in it. And it was like

Eww

Eww

You're going to suffocate yourself and get drenched in sweat. And it wasn't just like, you know how some people are fat but it's like solid fat? This was like gelatinous? Gel- Gelatinous?

Gelatinous.

Gelatinous fat. You flicked it and it went for five minutes at a time and it's got like dimples.

Like on The Simpsons? When Homer

Yes. Like Homer Simpson. Sitting, you could time how long it wobbled for.

Eww.

Eww. Yeah. Aw, it was just smelly on my bus this morning. There was -- There was one man in front of us and he stank of stale urine. Then the person sat next to him, he stunk of like, what was it? I don't know, just stunk, and then this person sat next to me; he'd been smoking. So I was just like, I'm going to puke. I'm going to puke. And then I like ran and carried on running because it was raining.

It might not have been the woman's own fault that she was fat. Maybe she had a medical condition.

(laughter)

(laughter) She just went to catch a fly, and missed terribly.

(interruption) Well I had to like reach all the way over.

(interruption) Because it was flying so fast?

No. Because I had to like reach all the way over the table and I couldn't even reach it.

(laughter) See what I put up with. (laughter)

Aw.

Yeah. I still got asked why my shoulder smells of girl the other day.

Of girl?

Well yeah.

She always puts her shoulder on my head.

(laughter)

No. She always puts her head on my shoulder like that, and obviously she smells like a girl. I don't know what it is she sprays to make her smell like a girl but -- but then, yeah. The other day I got home and like

Well obviously not man spray.

I know that.

Yeah.

But then you smell like me, so you do smell like man spray.

Yeah.

But yeah. Erm yeah. I was sat next to (NAME) and he was like, 'dude your shoulder smells like girl.' I was like, what? He was like 'yeah, perfume or girl.' I was like, 'yeah Whitney's fault.'

(laughter) It's not my fault. I really like to smell like a girl.

Well I'm kind of glad you do.

Yeah.

Because you know, every now and again she keeps on saying, 'I'm like a little boy.' It's like, no, don't say that.

I don't say that.

Or it's like, 'I'm like an old woman.' Don't say that!

(laughter)

(laughter)

It's not the nicest thing to hear when you're walking down the street with somebody, holding their hand 'Yeah, I'm like an old woman.'

I seriously am though, I'm like a little old cripple.

In what way?

She's not crippled, or old.

Like no, I'm not crippled, but like I don't know. Just because, I don't know. I get like, pain in my hip, pain in my back. I'm just like, I'm such an old woman.

Maybe you just need to take some supplements?

That, you remember that woman, who -- who was telling me the jokes at work?

Yeah.

She told -- she says, 'take some omega three, get some cod liver oil' and I was just like, 'why?' And she says, 'so you can be like me.'

And she told us that she was like eighty.

What? An old (unclear) who has to come in for medicine every week?

No. She's like -- she's like, she says she's like eighty or something and I was like, 'there's no way you're eighty.' She's like fifty or something or she looks like that. I was like, 'there's no way you're like eighty.' She was like, 'it's true, it's true. I dance and everything.' And I was like, 'you're a crazy lunatic.'

It's like my gran, she was

My gran was eighty when she died but she only looked like sixty, so yeah.

I think I look like twelve then. I was just like

See. She'll say things like this, 'I look twelve.' Don't say that.

Ok thirteen.

(laughter) thirteen.

I'm only joking.

(laughter) Because I know the laws that go against that. (laughter)

Not that this country's dead good on following them.

No.

Like -- like I read in the paper last week that there was this paedophile, who had sex with a thirteen-year-old and he was like forty or something, and they put him in prison for two years and that was it.

Yeah. It's like the most you get for rape's seven years.

That is so wrong.

Yeah. We were, there was a load of people complained about that like, when we were at Uni.

Yeah well it ruins people's lives, it's stupid.

But yeah. I like the legal system because it's messed up.

What? You going to fix it?

No. I'm going to leave it just like it is and help make it worse one day.

No. I'll fix it.

No. I'm going to pick up where Lord Denning left off.

Yeah. I'm going to -- going to go over to that law thing, the document.

What law thing the document? There are many legal documents.

(laughter)

That sets out the laws, what's it called?

There is no single document that sets out laws. Laws are each individual things.

Yeah them. I'm going to -- I'm going to go over and just sort them out, and organise them.

You're going to sort out all the laws?

And organise them, in (unclear)

(unclear)

What are you doing at Uni?

(interruption) Psychology

(interruption) Psychology

Ah.

Because she needs the help.

What -- what you going to do after? Do you know?

Counselling.

Ah, fair enough.

Everyone -- everyone says I should go in counselling. You know what? (NAME) went, 'what's your diagnosis of (NAME)?' and I went, 'he's completely psychotic,' and I just walked away and then he -- (NAME) was like just laughing.

Yeah, what was it? Like, my flatmate. Like, people keep asking her, 'do you know what I'm thinking?' It's like, no I'm ps- not psychic. 'No, but you did Psychology so you should know what I'm thinking.' She was like, 'no, because I do Psychology does not mean I know what you are thinking. I'm not psychic.' I

I know what they're thinking when they say that.

What?

ee does she know what I'm thinking?

(laughter) Aye that's a good one. (laughter)

It's true though. It's like, ee what if she knows what I'm thinking? No.

Nobody ever knows what you're thinking.

No. I don't even know what I'm thinking. I've gone in a daze again.

Aw my stomach's making gurgles.

mine was making gurgles before. I'm sure it gurgled on the bus and I was just like, yeah, can't hear anything because I've got my music on.

We'll have to go and use them vouchers that you got off (NAME).

For what?

Yeah.

KFC.

Aw nice.

We've got like -- it's get like -- get two box meals for something, for free or something.

For six pounds.

(laughter) For free. (laughter)

For free?

No, no, no. It's like, you can only get the wicked-zinger or the fully-loaded.

What's a wicked-zinger?

The one that's sort of spicy.

I'll have that.

You have that one, ok.

Yeah, I got told off last week. Right. We went to Nando's and she was like, 'no you cannot have the extra hot chicken breast burger.' I was like, 'why?' And she was like, 'because I said so.' So I got the hot and I was like, 'right can I go get some sauce?' She was like, 'no not the spicy ones' and then I went and got the extra hot but kept the label facing away from her so she couldn't see were.

Because I said he was allowed to get it in the end, and then he just like

(laughter) Are you in charge? (laughter)

Well she thinks she's in charge.

He was like, 'you know what -- He was like you know what?' And he turned around and I was like, 'yeah you've got the extra hot one' and then

She was like, 'I'm the boss of you.' I'm like, 'shut up no you're not.'

I am.

See there she goes again.

I am the boss of him though.

No you're not.

I am.

Who's the oldest? You?

I'm the oldest yeah.

But I'm still the boss of you.

I know. Of course I'm the oldest, (unclear) howay.

W- Why? What difference is there?

(interruption) Three years.

(interruption) Couple of years.

Really? How old are you?

Eighteen.

God. I didn't think you were that young.

See.

Why? Do I look older now?